Deep Identity Level Change was a concept I came upon whilst watching 'Blueprints Decoded' several years ago. It was made by the owner of Real Social Dynamics, Owen Cook. Real Social Dynamics is a company that specialises in helping men to improve their love life, an area where many reserved men or those with confidence issues seriously struggle with.
I have personally struggled with belief issues, confidence problems and lack of self-esteem ever since my sensitive teenage years where I was bullied into believing I was worthless to society, that I would find it hard to achieve, and no woman would ever think I was good enough for them. This was imprinted into my brain, and has stayed with me - to an extent - even to this day.
To illustrate this, I will talk about major events in my life. Before entering my teenage years, I was a very happy child, enjoying every moment of life. I even remember standing in front of class doing presentations, not being afraid to go into town at a young age, etc. However, when I hit 13, my body was overcome by testosterone; hair grew in unknown places, balls dropped, my voice got deeper, acne developed on my face.
This period of time totally change my life. Predominately because of body odour and acne, I was verbally abused. I did not know how to rebuke this. I was never a violent child, and I could never imagine hitting anyone, even though my parents told me I should. As a result of having it on the bus to and from school, people putting salt and gum into my hair, being called various names, such as 'Bradley the Bear', I started to lose confidence. I had no-one to help me; I have virtually no friends, my brother in school ignored me, and I was too scared to tell anyone until the damage had already been done.
After secondary school, I was hit with depression. I struggled to cope on a day-to-day basis, and I had feelings that I wanted to end my life, although I never carried them out. In retrospect, I did not help myself as I did not have a daily schedule; I mostly played video games and listened to music. Instead, I should have played sports, learned a language or something, basically to keep my mind active to fight the bad thoughts. Even better, to have seen a counsellor. But because of the prospect of college, I managed to fight through it. However I did not repair the problem, only to cover it up.
Whilst at college, I struggled to focus properly - not studying as hard as I should have done considering my great GCSE results - but maybe this is because I had underlying problems. I had no idea how to talk to girls or to act around them. Even if a girl liked me, I did not have the confidence to be receptive. People want to stick with their identities even if it is detrimental to them, and believing I was hopeless around women was certainly one of them. College was not as bad as secondary school, but I found it hard to keep a close circle of friends.
In the summers between college and university, I would stick my PC and play games and listen to music, sometimes too loud to hide my pain.
When university came around, I had no idea how to really interact with people, so even if I appeared attractive, my sub-communication would say otherwise. I had no idea how to deal with banter, and struggled to connect properly with guys. When it came to girls, I had no idea how to vibe or recognise if they liked me or not, thus I never had a girl-friend through these years.
It was during this time at university, I came upon this book called the 'Game' by Neil Strauss. He, along with other men, tried picking up women using a variety of techniques in the city of Los Angeles. Despite being bald, he managed to be successful with hot women. I thought, 'why not try this?' I was petrified; I saw this girl in the cafe and approached her, with sweaty palms and feeling hot. I think I said, 'I like salad', or something along those lines. Because I thought women were more of a value then me, I would come across as nervous, thus many were not receptive.
I would approach women in clubs, try and strike up a conversation, but because I was not assertive enough, I nearly always failed. There was this time when I was in Australia this girl said, 'Are you gay?' This was because I was too afraid of getting blown out. Girls would not say kiss me, they would want me to take the initiative. This drove me crazy, and when this girl I was with spoke about my insecurities, it hurt me so much, I suffered a nervous breakdown. My self-concept had been destroyed. I returned home in a mess, and ended up in a psychiatric hospital as a result. With two conflicting identities in my mind, I had become confused and my mind rejected the new confident me, for the old shy one, as it believed it was safer.
After I had managed to sort my head out, I decided to push myself; I made friends at the local university, spoke often to my neighbour, and eventually got a job. I even managed to get a Japanese girl-friend, however the problem was I wanted the feeling of a relationship desperately, and I ended up sabotaging most of it with her.
Whilst working for Call Assist, a call centre specialising on breakdown, I was feeling lonely. I approached girls even at the bus stop, got one girl's number, and even went on a 'date' with her. However, I was too needy and messed most of it up I think.
I even went on a travelling website, to find people to meet up with when I went around the world. These kind of websites are a bit dangerous, as people often lie to make themselves appear more attractive. However, I did meet some genuine people and used Facebook to check them out. But this one girl from Bolivia was very sexy, had a sexy voice and was sweet to me. Out of scarcity I fell in love with her. She was very manipulative, making me feel bad if I did not even speak to her for certain periods of time. This would not be how a hot girl would treat you, however I did not see that.
Then in February I went on my travels around the world. I had learned from the Blueprint to just be natural, speaking with intent and to lead with women. I said I had a 'girlfriend' as I wanted to believe that she was real, but I was deluding myself. However, I still met many people and even had meals with girls. Even though the girl from Bolivia was not she was, I learnt that I have to stop putting girls on a pedestal, and thinking they are special. No-one is really special; everyone has faults and imperfections.
After coming home in July, I was confused and unsure what to do. I had been on quite a journey for the last year, but realised I still have these underlying issues that need fixing. I was slipping back into a depression because I felt I could not do what I wanted to do a result of my hearing loss (+ accompanying tinnitus).
Recently I have come upon these interesting videos on youtube by this group known as "Simple Pickup." It is very funny, and shows these 3 guys trying to pick-up random women on the street. They say they were geeks before they started to try and pick up women. It shows a remarkable difference to how they were before.
They saw all you need to meet these girls anywhere is to have intent, be confident and lead. The women they meet is incredible, and I am sure they have had sex with really beautiful women. This has made me feel that owe myself to do the same thing. For my future long-term happiness, this would be perfect. However, I will have to accept that some women will be attracted, but they may have a girl-friend, find the situation too strange, or other reasons. I lose nothing by trying.
